The other day my friend wanted to show me her Christmas card. The reason was that I had taken the photo, and I did actually remember this at the moment I said that yes, of course I wanted to see the card.  I had seen the image she chose probably 200 times in the process of sorting, fixing and packaging my friend's photoshoot. As she handed it to me, however, I had a complete out-of-body experience. This sounds so silly and maybe even horribly conceited, but I actually thought to myself, "Who took that photo? It's gorgeous!"  I almost cried as I regained my faculties and remembered that it was ME!

You see, I have no real ambition to make money as a photographer, or to be famous, or to have everyone think I'm the best. My only real ambition is show people and relationships as they really are. I want people to see a photo I've taken and remember a feeling or a person or a moment with love or joy or humor or delight or whatever. However, I am a victim of constant self-doubt because I am always comparing myself to what I think I should be doing or what other people are doing or any of a million other things besides my own progress or my own satisfaction. Lame.

When this happened,  I was lifted out of all of that. Instead of thinking in terms of exposure and levels and how will it look on my website and all the million fiddly things I'm thinking of when I'm staring at a photo on my computer screen, I had a chance to respond to the photo as a portrait and really SEE this family. And I actually loved it. I was proud of my work. I saw in the photo what I saw in this family while I was photographing them. Does that make any sense at all?? You may not agree at all but, because of this experience, I'm okay with that. For me,  it was a moment I tell you, a moment of pure photographic joy. What a great reminder to have faith in my eye and my abilities.  What a great encouragement to keep doing this and do it exactly the way I want.